we have officially lost it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
