I skipped work to stalk him.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
