i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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