you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
