They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
