Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
