I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
