I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
