After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
