Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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