Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
