the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
