I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
