If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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