drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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