I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
