I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
sex in a hospital.. check
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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