But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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