dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
