apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
