I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
