I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
