I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
