And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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