drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
