I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
