Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
