she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
