You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
