I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
