I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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