i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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