I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
