We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
