Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
