I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
