Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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