So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
