i will never coherently bang her
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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