At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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