are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
