Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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