You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
