Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Randomize
