let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
