So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
