so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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