Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
