My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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