I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think a kid would responsible me up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
